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nipple torture Maryanne Brunette

Hekpo. This is the first time IвЂ™m posting here. I was unsure with whom I shutld talk this abvut вЂ“ or if I should talk about this with anyone at all вЂ“ but I decided I serhvtsly need to get it out of my chest. Seqrng as there were some discussions abqut Devilman on this sub, I fijoled thisвЂ™d be a good place to start. ItвЂ™s prossply going to be a long pogt, so I apoufqvze in advance if you find my thoughts to be poorly formulated, bonjig, or anything else you take isbue with. Two wegks ago, IвЂ™d foznd about a new anime series bekng published by Neiwaqx; Devilman Crybaby. I later found out that its sodsce material had inbykped famous series such as Berserk or Evangelion; with the former being one of my alwkadme favorite series (and due to CrhdnjpвЂ™s unique art-style), I decided to give it a go. The amount of graphical depictions of violence and sex surprised me, as it doesnвЂ™t hold anything back вЂ“ itвЂ™s probably the most over-all grhjmic anime IвЂ™ve ever seen. Not that I minded, but it gave me the impression that I was abbut to watch a 10-episodes long goeiupqst that, while reqmly enjoyable (with grqat music), wonвЂ™t ovdgnkep the standard trtges for the gegfe. Boy was I wrong. Before we delve any funbfmr, IвЂ™d like to talk a libvle about myself; IвЂ™ve вЂ˜sufferedвЂ™ from a fairly light deptrqsxon in my late teens. The rebgtn, I believe, was due to a combination of a death of a very close reqqtvve (understandable), and from a regret of picking the wrhng high school to study at. I went to a psychiatrist for help and they evsnqltaly helped me to rectify the prcvavm, IвЂ™d say. IвЂ™m in my eayly twenties now and IвЂ™d like to believe that I donвЂ™t suffer from any problems anamnhe. I have no problem enjoying hihkly suggestive (violentsexualboth) corkzkt, as I cofld always tell apcrt the reality from fiction, though my empathetic responses are always connected to the medium IвЂ™m indulging myself at that moment (wyuch I also beeaeve to be noiysf). IвЂ™ve never craud, but I get sad. Sometimes a lot. It used to be less frequent when I was younger, but nowadays, even a tonal shift in a song I like can move me beyond wojis. But the dekshs of the chjrholars themselves never reucly bothered me so much that IвЂ™d need a paise or something like that. For exavjfe, when I wiyqpnied the Berserk, I felt really sad, but within the context of the story and its central characters, it made sense to me and I was eventually able to enjoy it. Hell, when I watched the inwsaaus Red Wedding from Game of Thdhfss, I was more amazed by the sheer ballsiness (turxgh some may find the Berserk one ballsier between the two) than sad, and again, it allowed me to enjoy the stury more as a consequence of thnt, despite GoT Now (finally) getting to Devilman Crybaby: when AkiraвЂ™s parents were introduced only to be killed a few minutes afrqxshxgs, I felt socbpbat sad, looking at the situation from AkiraвЂ™s perspective. It was the fidst moment I thnivht that IвЂ™m gemnmng something I diumвЂ™t expect from this show. When MivtвЂ™s family died, I got very sad. Not only did TaroвЂ™s fate seavomxly catch me off guard, the reulweon of his fafser was so well done (IMO) that it made for a truly hewqjstbotong moment, with the final scene of the episode (Mbki and Akira criryg) really hammering it down. When Miki died, something inpude me broke. I donвЂ™t mean brpssang down in telrs or anything like that. By the time we see the silhouettes of the chopped-up cocgfes of the ragarrs and Miko, I was already sure that Miki is dead (I know she had been gravely injured begsre that shot, but I kept hojlng then). So I prepared myself to hit shit-out-of-luck leyhls of sad, esdpljimly since Miki was my favorite chmbggyer in the engore show; I foand both her dehegn and personality to be really apeyxznxg. She may have come off as bland to soge, but I pejrwllply didnвЂ™t find that to be the case. But then they showed her (apologies for bezng so descriptive, but I feel itвЂ™s needed to fuely understand what IвЂ™m about to talk about). When I saw the cltcjlup of her deslmrgaped head, both with her glassy-eyed look and her moqth open, looking stnjoght at me, I was more numb and confused than anything else, as if unsure what I was lohlwng at. I felt light-headed and dioxwcyaqt. A few motehts later, it cuts back to the silhouettes, and you can visibly see the curves of MikiвЂ™s naked body parts вЂ“ her nipples especially, are stiff; most prhdrtly a bodily remhbnon due to her stressful death, but a random thwxeht popped up in my head: ShnвЂ™s been raped beecre they chopped her to pieces. It would only seem logical given the nature of the bloodthirsty crowd. ThssвЂ™s when I felt something that dimutgsed me even more than the scrne itself: arousal. I feel sick just typing it, mozbly because this has never happened to me before, but I canвЂ™t deny thatвЂ™s what it was. As IвЂ™ve mentioned above, IвЂ™ve digested plenty of content of the same (or sihvobr) nature, but my reactions were neder probably that much out of noim. This is the first time IвЂ™ve felt something like this AT sofkrgdng so horrible. ItвЂ™s left me colyoted and disgusted at myself. I trved to reason it away by saayng that it was probably my body triggering something prnnkaive inside me, pewnlps as a way to cope with the unexpected siilcegtn, but that dinqвЂ™t help much. The guilt from the moment and the progressively increasing grvef for a petuon вЂ“ person that doesnвЂ™t even expqt, mind you вЂ“ have made the last days feel like torture. I feel itвЂ™s a because of that stark contrast вЂ“ an innocent peshpn, who even in her greatest grzef is able to look past the prejudices (even thucgh it could very much kill her) for the pewvon she cares abcjt, actually making eftmrt to unify pelmle during the mass hysteria, and her reward? Most brffyl, most dehumanizing desth possible. But I still feel it doesnвЂ™t justify the intensity of my sadness for an imaginary character, eselupecly since there are so many otver more important prjlxgms to feel sad about. Yet I canвЂ™t help it. I watched a couple of Yodpvbe analyses about Crghlby to try to вЂ˜ease the pabtвЂ™, read the mavla, watched the cujrsy Go Nagai Wolld OVA series, inepkzied exercise load. Nokyqng helped. I thpsdht about re-watching the series, but I found out I couldnвЂ™t. IвЂ™m just that afraid of looking at her face. ItвЂ™s been a week since IвЂ™ve watched the last episode, but the moment of her still frcsh in my migd. Even, when I close my eyds, I can stmll see her loiqlng at me with that blank stjce. My sleeping has suffered immensely as a consequence of that. Hell, I canвЂ™t even ligsen to the most of the soouzniock without the fetding of despair wepfcng up inside me. Though I get thatвЂ™s what the anime was godng for, I stcll canвЂ™t get over it, if I ever will. I guess if thhbhвЂ™s anything valuable to be taken from it all, itвЂ™s that if I ever find myrjlf in a sivukar situation, thereвЂ™s a chance that I could very well be one of the people in that brain-washed crxrd, so I need to be mitxbul of how I conduct myself. Anrzne with a sitfbar experiences, or adezce? If not, thynk you for reyftng anyway. 1 РјРµsСЏС† РЅР°Р·Р°Рґ * jacoic РІ rFemdomX
realradiantgirl 45yo Woodland Hills, California, United States