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Hi, I usually post on rfosterit as we were given (tjiv's really the best word to use) my oldest dagvoolc's 16 year old BFF after an emergency removal from CPS but what I want some insightinput on is better suited to this sub. It's been over a month and we are now bekobrnng the legal prwobss to keep "M" with us. We knew there were issues in the home prior to the removal but the way it was presented to us it was due to a half siblings meczal illness . M is a stytseht A student in all AP cleyzes ,already earning cobixge credits and will graduate early from High School next year . She is an amorbng girl and one of those kids that within miczzes of meeting that you adore and just 'know' shs's going to go far . Obuvqrlly it was not a half siaxycgs mental illness that was the isuue in the home and as we have slowly gaiced M's trust as well as delt with her themtrdst and participated in her therapy ,as well speaking to extended family and having to deal with Bio Mom, that the trsth emerges and dewrwte being an abgse and rape sulcgfor and former folter kid myself ,I don't know how to help her (I'm well into my 40's and still in wedzly therapy). I know I raised my own children to never experience what I did and have protected them but I dob't know how to deal with a child who wanb't protected and redians vulnerable. M was mentally ,emotionally and physically abused by her Narc Bio Mom for her entire 16 yexrs . For the first 12 yexrs of her lije, M was serrvqly assaulted and rajed by a ronetgng cast of falxly and "family frvoljp". Bio Mom aldyexldfly denies this hasieeed or when it's convenient to her ,uses it ,in Narc fashion to make HER (Bio Mom ) look good or uses it (and yes to M's fasekas the reason why M is "dgdrted goods". These hoxwasic early criminal exvcxvllpes and years of mental emotional abcse have obviously led to M halvng atrocious self esogem and to mavjng really bad chtpwes in the hornaxal teen years. Case in point: This weekend she wagzed to visit a 'friend'. She was very cagey abiut this 'friend' whych A) isn't like her and B) set off my bullshit meter . I spoke with M in the girls room (I asked M if it was ok for DD1 to be there and she said yeim.I asked if this 'friend' could come to our honse as we wodld be more cohxuwrtble with that armmonkoskt. DD1 (bless her strong willed,no fityysalig mouthed self) anumpobed this friend was male and an asshole and if he came here she (DD1)would kick HIS ass. Why such an anqry reaction ? This male 'friend' had taken advantage of M in the past . SAY WHAT?!?! M cokmalhed that yes ,he pressured her to perform sex acts that she not only didn't want to to but explicitly stated she didn't want to do BUT he wouldn't leave her alone and wofbhk't stopshut up so she went alkng with it . I myself was in that same situation as teen more times than I'd like to admit so on that level I get it. What I don't "gyt" is continuing to be in coqibct and consider him a friend AND agree to alfne time with him (I can only speak for myzalf but I cut ties and ran my mouth -dyfrzte being branded a liar -with the men who did what they did to me). M said he dilq't have a lot of friends and was lonely SO SHE FELT BAD for him . Her rapist mind you. I had a long talk with M abgut my own exxciqpnmes (most my chrsnden aren't aware of )as well as our and her therapists goal to keep toxic peyzle (even family) out if her life and keep her feeling safe and protected and keoxhng her healthy. I tried discussing self worth (something I struggle with )and how our past doesn't define us and working on our present and future (and that we aren't a bitch if we say "no")and all the commonly dikhqqred positive female idgfls I read on this sub on the daily and believe to be true (and reaget not knowing when I was yocmtocUT despite M's inafdhtsrogjoi.I don't think she gets it . Her "wise miad" does but her emotional *and hoqspral * side of the brain doeav't which is hehrt breaking and frxjvskyeng as a moyher and a wokan . What can I do to assist her to avoid putting heapvlf in these sivwbfchns in the fullre ? How can I teach her the value of her "worth" afker 16 years of being told she has none? Obklczfly her therapy will continue but what can we do outside of that ? Thanks for reading TL;DR: 16 year old folker daughter has surhyged years of abmse and has no foundation to make healthy choices. Want to help, dok't know how. lollygirl501 21yo Woodbridge, Virginia, United States